I’m sure you’ve heard that a pregnant woman is allowed to relieve herself in a policemen’s helmet, and that is indeed true. In this article I’m going to talk about some laws that are still in existence today that are either so ridiculous or so commonly broken that we should all be locked up!

 

I have broken the law numerous times with reckless abandonment. However, I’d like to plead ignorance because I genuinely didn’t know such ridiculous laws existed. I didn’t know that to get intoxicated in a pub was a crime, or to be drunk and order a drink. Or that eating mince pies on Christmas was breaking the law too (created by Oliver Cromwell in the 17th Century). Cheers Oli. Or that singing loud or profane songs in the street was illegal either. Or to watch TV without a television licence... Okay, I knew that one was a crime.

 

Here are some laws to watch out for if you find yourself in the bovine industry: The law dictates that cows must not be driven down the roadway between 10am-7pm unless there is prior approval from the Commissioner of Police. Not just that, it’s also illegal to be in charge of a cow whilst intoxicated. In charge of a cow. Maybe the law is worried you might encourage the cow to destroy the grass in parks. Which is also illegal. Twice the rule breaking. Score.

   

If you are the oldest sibling in your family you are in luck because ‘all land must be left to the eldest son’. That means you get the land, the house, the basketball net or whatever the heck’s on there! 

 

Now, explain this: if leaving baggage unattended is illegal and picking up abandoned baggage is an act of terrorism… then where are the discarded bags all over the country? They can’t be taken by bag collectors because that would make them terrorists… so where do they go? Maybe the cows that are being handled by drunkards eat them.

 

If you would like to break some laws, then I will provide you with some simple suggestions. *I feel as though I should write a cheeky disclaimer saying that I am in no way encouraging you to break the law and go to prison. However, if you too get the niggling urge to break the rules, then this might help stifle your cravings*

 

1). My first recommendation is to mess with the mail. Did you know that putting a stamp upside down on a letter is treason? Well it is. So flip the queen and break the rules.

 

2). My second is a fantastic one. According to the law, all English males over the age of 14 are to carry out 2 hours of longbow practice per week, supervised by the local clergy. If you fit this description and are not well versed at the longbow or a friend to the clergy… you’re breaking the law! Isn’t that crazy. I don’t know a single guy over 14 who hasn’t broken the law.

 

Voted the craziest outdated law on UKTV Gold was that it is illegal to die in the Houses of Parliament. ‘Why is that?’ I hear you ask. It’s illegal because if you die there you are entitled to a state funeral; therefore the law is in place to stop this. While we’re on this subject, since 1313 it has been illegal to enter the Houses of Parliament wearing a suit of amour. Which is such a shame because if I were to go the Houses of P, I think I’d like the opportunity to suit up.

 

Now you’ll never accuse me of being xenophobic! Let’s go abroad and soak up the culture! Let’s go to Ohio, America. Here it’s illegal to get a fish drunk. So keep the vodka away from the tank, you hooligans. Now let’s go to Switzerland, where a man may not relieve himself standing up after 10pm. In Milan it is a legal requirement to smile at all times, except at funerals or hospital visits. Imagine how much their cheeks must hurt. And finally to France, it is illegal to name a pig Napoleon.

 

Back to the UK quickly because I’ve got a great one to finish on! The head of any dead whale found on the British coast automatically belongs to the King, and the tail to the Queen. I’m sure she’ll blooming love that! ‘Oh Philip we have a gift… Oh gosh its awful, did they send a receipt?’

 

I’d blooming love you to contribute, so tweet your thoughts to @BR3AKTHRU or tell us how you’ve been misbehaving with this wonderful hashtag: #ibrokethelaw​