Gone are the days when girls married whoever Daddy told them to. No longer do you have to worry about complicated forms of courtship and etiquette. Actually, I lied. You do have to. But don't panic just yet, this handy guide will tell you what it is you need to do to help you keep that girl!

 

Respect 

 

No, we’re not talking about that rather irritating (and highly over-played) song. Seriously, though, respect is the main factor in any relationship. Whether with a teacher, a friend or relative, respect dictates how others perceive you. In a relationship respect is essential. That point cannot be stressed enough: if you respect her, she will respect you. Being respectful to her doesn't mean that you have to do everything she asks you to (let's face it, you really don't want to help her with maths homework: yuck), besides no one likes a suck-up either.

 

Respect means that you listen to her, and then put your opinion forward. Here is how not to have such a conversation:

 

Him: Babe, I'm going to go on the computer. Why don't you paint your nails or something?

Her: I don't want to do that. I want to spend time with you. I didn't come here just so you could ignore me.

Him: Oh, didn't you?

 

Nope. Nada. No. Big mistake. That was not a good move. Not only does a stupid stunt like that annoy her, you won't only be (figuratively) in the dog house, but a conversation like this will put you (literally) in a kennel on the far side of the moon. Try this instead:

 

Him: Hey, sweetie, do you mind if I pop on the computer for an hour or so?

Her: I don't want you to; I want to spend time with you.

Him: I'll still talk to you and pay attention to you, though. I just need to quickly check a few things.

At this point, hug her, and suggest a few things she could do to pass the time. Like paint her nails! Hopefully, she should now let you enter cyberspace and you can click that mouse until it implodes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Compromise

 

Now, our next lesson involves a word that may make you panic: compromise! In any relationship, compromise is key. It shows a regard for the other person's feelings while still emphasising your own point.

 

Perhaps she wants to go shopping. Maybe you want to go to the cinema. Suggest that you either go separately with your friends, or you go cinema together one day, and then go shopping the next; a simple solution perhaps, yet easy and effective to maintain.

 

So, you've been together for a few months now, and that initial spark and attraction seems to have faded. Your friends keep telling you it won't last. Maybe you only see your partner three times a week, and you don't know how to spend more time with them. Simple. Try organising a regular day to see each other, at least once a week. Alternate between which house you go to, and then choose a film to watch together. If you each pick one film every week, then this also brings the element of compromise back. Maybe they chose a cheesy chick flick, so next time, you'll choose a Stars Wars film (because you obviously haven't seen it enough already). This also has the added benefit of ensuring the relationship isn't all about one person.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sex

 

Ah, sex. Three little letters guaranteed to make almost every teenage boy pay attention. But remember, although sex is basic human instinct: a healthy, loving relationship should not be all about sex. If you are having a sexual relationship with your partner, make sure it is a respectful one. And definitely don't try and emotionally blackmail them into sex. Not only is that considered rape (by law), it will not help keep things outside the bedroom running smoothly. What happens in the bedroom, affects the relationship outside the bedroom. Sure, spontaneous sex is nice, but like date nights, try and establish a regular pattern. Also always do it somewhere you both feel comfortable.

 

Never pester the other person either; if one partner doesn't feel like it, then it won't be enjoyable. It may seem that all your friends are having sex, but in all honesty, they’re not.

 

Of course, what follows may seem obvious, but less people pay attention to this golden rule: always use contraception. Not only are teenage pregnancy rates on the rise, but so is the epidemic of STDs. If you’re too embarrassed to buy contraception, visit a sexual health clinic or your GP and talk about your options. Some forms of contraception prevent pregnancy as well as STDs, (such as condoms) but some (such as the pill) only prevent pregnancy. If you do talk to your GP, remember, that when it comes to contraception, you have the same rights to confidentiality as an adult.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Communication

 

Even as young adult, long-term relationships do happen; this means that listening to your partner is essential. Sometimes your partner will just need a sympathetic ear and a cuddle, and other times they need advice. Try and work out which form of support is required, and then act accordingly. Listening to your partner may seem obvious, but if you just shrug and agree, you’re not really listening. It costs nothing to talk to your other half, and the rewards are great.

 

Talking problems through is also another good way to communicate. If you feel yourself becoming angry, simply explain to the other person that you can’t continue calmly, and take a five minute breather. Don’t ignore them. If they start throwing insults, quietly and politely ask them to keep calm. Never try to deliberately hurt your partner. You may well regret it one day.

 

Develop your communication skills. Although you should be able to relax around your other half, it doesn’t mean that you should forget manners. Saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ really lets your partner know you are grateful. Encourage each other. Whether at work or to study, make sure your partner knows you’re there for them and that you want to be supportive. This will also help you be more honest and sympathise with one and other.

 

Apologising. Someone once said ‘love means never having to say you’re sorry.’ Well, yes it does. Just because you love your other half, this doesn’t mean they can read your mind. Admit your mistakes. If you know you’ve upset your lover, intentionally or otherwise, don’t use phrases like ‘I’m sorry you made me angry’; try saying ‘I’m sorry I got angry at you’, instead. You’re more likely to be forgiven anyway.

 

If your partner makes a mistake, tell them they’ve upset you, but it’s important to do it in a non-accusing manner. Say things like, ‘Babe, I’m upset because you said…’, and then forgive them when they apologise so you can both move on. If you have a problem, you need to let him/her know in a clear and calm manner without any yelling. If they ask ‘Are you all right?’ and you answer ‘yes’, then don’t expect them to be aware something is up. Be honest and open; your partner may be amazing, but they probably aren’t a mind reader.

 

Secrets and Lies

 

Don’t hide things from your partner. I’m not talking about surprise birthday presents here, but things like how you feel about the relationship - whether good or bad - or the reason you’ve been so moody lately. If the other person can’t give you advice, at least you’ll have someone to talk to. This will make it easier to overcome difficulties together. Also, if something bad happened in the past that affects you now, it’s vital for you to tell your partner.

 

You should also be able to discuss your sexual history with them, and be made to feel safe and not be judged. Likewise, you should do the same for them.

 

If you suspect your other half of keeping a secret, don’t ever go behind their back (reading their phone, stalking them on social networks, asking their friends). Not only is this a huge breach of respect, if they’re innocent you won’t be forgiven for breaking that bond of trust you share.

 

Never lie to your partner, either. If she asks you w.hether a certain dress suits her, but she looks like she’s walked straight out of a Lady Gaga video, use phrases like, ‘The shape looks nice, but the colour doesn’t suit you’, or ‘You know, I’ve always thought you’d look better in this’. This is honest, yet inoffensive.

 

Fun, Fun, Fun

 

Laughter makes the world go round. Apparently. I always thought that was to do with the natural law of physics, but hey, what do I know? In a loving relationship, you should be able to laugh at each other, whilst not hurting one and other’s feelings. Not only does laughter burn calories, but shared, fun experiences will help strengthen that bond between you. Not sure how to have fun together? Do something out of the ordinary: join a youth club together, or take up a new hobby. Alternatively, learn a hobby off one and other. This is great way of getting to know each other even more. Do something new and exciting. Learn a new language, take up a sport like tennis or kick-boxing together. Look in your local paper for events that both you and your partner may like to try. Exciting events are associated with an elevated heart rate, and the release of chemicals in the brain that increase our feelings of happiness. When you look back on those memories, the association between the happiness then and the present will increase your feelings for your partner. Don’t gossip to your friends behind their back. If they have upset you, communicate with them, as we mentioned before. You should be able to go to your partner before anyone else, and you may well regret things that you say, one day.